One of the joys of Borderline Personality Disorder is the constant change of emotions. This is true with all types of depression, the struggle with emotions, but I am mainly going to refer to Borderline. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is also known as Emotional Intensity Disorder (EID) which is a better description of the condition. In basic terms; I cannot regulate my emotions, at all.
So, take today as an example. I wake up, and I feel okay, very neutral. My partner will say something and It’ll make me happy. Then I’ll go downstairs to make coffee, and my roommate has done something inconsiderate, again, and take my milk, I’m not talking a little bit, I’m talking about a whole pint. So now I’m on edge, because this isn’t the first time. Right on time they come out of their room through the kitchen and I confront them, because who do they think they are, and I get called childish, a cunt, making false accusations, all of this in an aggressive manor. I go upstairs and I am so angry. So angry I stab the tires on their bike that shouldn’t be indoors, so angry that I could smash all their things. So mad I could go in their room and attack them. But apart from the bike, I couldn’t do it, so I sit their angry. Anger then turns into hopelessness, and I start crying, hating myself, that I am useless and that no one will help me or the situation I’m in with my house mates. I cried for so long. After I calmed down, smoked, I felt better. And now I feel okay, neutral, a little fragile, but back to the start.
And that for me is an average day. Day in, day out. This constant range of emotions, so many different emotions in the space of an hour. It is exhausting, and for those who can relate, I feel for you.
But what can be done about it? Well unfortunately, not a lot. But I’ll tell you what I did. I took control. There are many things in life that we can’t control, accepting that and moving on is difficult, but needs to be done. But for the things that are? Grab them by the balls! I’m tired of living with these housemates that cause nothing but problems and my landlord doing nothing about it, and the council taking forever to move me. So, I contact Civil Legal Advice, because they can help with housing.
Guys, if no one is in your corner, remember that the law is. I’m not saying you should sue everyone, but what I am saying is that there is always an opportunity to take action, and using Legal Aid or Civil Legal Aid is one way.
In every situation there is something you can do to influence things. Take control of your emotions, use them, and act. Not in a way that will make you look bad, or get you into trouble, but a way to fight for the peace you deserve. Don’t give up and let your emotions rule you, because emotions are only temporary, and will pass. But use them to motivate you to act to make a difference that will last!